Ladies and gents, we have our first question!
Someone was brave enough to type it and hit send. Many thanks J.
The question (short version): How did you and Paul decide to have a non traditional relationship?
Honestly, I’ve kinda been avoiding this one, simply because it started so long ago and I find it difficult to explain. It wasn’t a decision we made one day; it just kind of happened.
Go ahead. You know you want to ask:
“How does one just kind of sleep with someone else? I mean, was it an accident? Did someone fall? Over and over again to the point of climax?”
Paul and I have been together for quite a while (20+ years). And though some folks drift apart over time, we got closer. With each challenge we faced, we got better at being honest with each other. I never doubted that we would be together forever.
So, it wasn’t a big deal when he’d look at a cute girl and say, “Check out that ass.” My reply would be, “Not fond of her ass, but her boobs are sweet.” 😉
Eventually, the jokes began. I’m not 100% straight. More like 25/75%. Other days, it became 45/55%. At one point, I decided that I wouldn’t exclude half of the population just because they didn’t have a penis. You can buy those, you know. 😉
So now that we have that out of the way, let’s chat about: D
I’ve mentioned before that Paul works second shift. This isn’t new for us. Years ago, when the girls were little, we worked opposite shifts. I worked days; he worked nights. Since he was available, Paul would drop them off and pick them up from school. He would also attend a lot of school events.
That’s where he met D. The two of them would spend a lot of time chatting while waiting for the kids. There were a lot of school field trips that I couldn’t attend because I was working. And Bina became friends with D’s son, so they’d have play dates while the adults chatted.
You know where this is going, don’t you?
Please know that Paul and I don’t keep secrets from each other; not many, anyway. Part of our honesty thing. He knows more about me than anyone else alive. That’s not to say he knows everything. Hell, I don’t even know everything about myself.
I was well aware of what was happening. Especially when he’d come home after some field trip gushing about how wonderful D was with the kids.
Eventually, D, her husband, and kids would come over. They’d hang out for dinner, or a BBQ, or a movie, etc. The kids would play, and the adults would chat. Paul and I loved hanging out with them. They were easy going, funny, and we had a lot in common. At the time, we imagined being friends with them for a long time.
It wasn’t until months later that we found out D and her hubby were having marital issues. They were separated but still living together for logistics. It just was easier and cheaper to stay in the same place. I thought, “Bummer.” There go our fun hang outs. Sigh.
At some point, Paul mentioned that he was falling in love with her.
And during a visit, she also told me she was falling in love with him.
I just smiled at her. No, really, I did. Because Paul is one of the sweetest person on this planet. He’s the best guy I know. So, yeah, I understood how D felt.
And at least they were both honest and upfront about things.
Please keep in mind that Paul and I were raised Catholics. Not that we practice, but people don’t just go falling in love with others who aren’t their spouses. That’s not how society works. That’s not how marriage works. So, what to do?
Nothing. I didn’t do anything.
So they kept chatting, at school, on field trips, over the phone/text. Her and her kids would still visit, and we’d just get closer and closer as a group. She would cook at the house, take pictures and video at the school events I couldn’t attend, not only of her kids, but mine. It was beginning to look some some weird Brady Bunch blend.
It didn’t take long for me to view her as Paul did. She was bright, funny, sweet, giving. So, I fell for her, too.
Sigh. Now what?
Well, seeing as how I’m bi… I flirted. (I remember once, we were standing by the kitchen sink and something happened; water went flying. I told her, “If you wanted to get me wet, all you had to do was ask.” 😉 She laughed.)
I don’t remember what happened when, but I told Paul that if they wanted to hook up, that it’d be fine. But I wanted to be a part of it. All of it. I didn’t want them to be a couple, and us to be another couple. I wanted to be included in everything. (Side note, I have co-dependency issues. To be discussed further later. Maybe.)
So yeah… That opened a door that I had never imagined. Eventually, she and her kids moved in with us. It was chaos.
It worked. For a while. And then it didn’t… She and her hubby got back together. And then the four of them moved in with us. And that worked for a while. And then it didn’t… The four of them moved out and that was the end of it.
Sometimes, things fall apart so better things can come together. I believe that’s what happened here.
Until next time!
Hi there, Catie here!
So in the interest of “keeping things real” again, I feel like I need to add a little bit to this post (which is excellent, Lena.)
So Lena wrote and published this one while I was at work today and I read it at the same time everyone else did. I learned some things about “before me” that I didn’t know about.
Nothing bad – don’t get the popcorn out just yet. When I first started coming around D and her family were still living with Paul and Lena. I’ve met her. I disliked her from the first meeting and please remember that way back when, I didn’t really have any feelings for Paul or Lena beyond “they seem nice.” That said I have to admit to having several knee-jerk reactions. They were (in order of appearance):
“Oh, all that talking is familiar.”
“Um, when she says “love”… how? D and I are so different, how would that work?”
“Wait a minute, those are my kids to take pictures of and be “good” with – kinda.”
“Oh, I’m just a replacement. One is as good as another, I suppose, the first one didn’t work, lets try this one.”
I was almost hurt and then almost mad and then the logical part of my brain kicked in (sometimes it goes away, lucky for me it’s always returned..so far at least.) I needed to remind myself that the events in this post took place a long time ago. In the PAST. We all have pasts, I have one too. In that past I loved someone very, very much but like Lena, Paul and D, try as we might, we just didn’t work out. Lena and Paul are not his replacements, just like I’m not D’s. We’re a new thing. And it’s good.
I wanted to chime in and say that Catie is not a replacement because she is so much more than what D was. It didn’t work out with her because she was more concerned with herself than she was with everybody. When Catie works with us its because we all work together not because she is worried about herself. That’s all I really wanted to add.