Hey, everyone! Bina here.
I’m the 17 year old, the middle of the three kids that my wonderful parents have. After some talking, my parents let me create a whole post on my own.
On to the actual topic of this post: the child’s view of having polyamorous parents.
Originally, Catie was only, “mom’s super cool friend from work.” That’s all T and I knew about her. She was pretty and sweet and managed to keep up with our crazy middle-school antics. As a whole, the family and her got very close. This included her son, Ri. We got along really well, so the three of us had playdates all the time.
I didn’t think anything of their relationship. I only knew that my mom and dad (Lena and Paul,) were really good friends with Catie. And it was amazing. She taught me how to sew, how to bake chocolate chip cookies with a special recipe on a bad day at school, and she took us kids to the zoo on multiple accounts when my parents had work and she was off. As the months went on, it was obvious that the three of them were… dating?? What??
My first thought as a kid: mom and dad are having problems and he’s dating Catie now. And then my inner monologue of, “But wait, that’s not right. Mom (Lena,) and Catie get along really well! Wouldn’t they hate each other?” My mind kept going to, “Well, the three of them can’t be dating. That’s not right… Right?”
And one day I saw my dad kissing Catie. And another day where he kissed mom. And a day where mom kissed Catie.
You see, my parents are very open and loving people. None of them sat me and T down and went, “We’re a poly couple.” But on multiple occasions they said that the three of them are in a very loving and committed relationship with each other, and that they love each other, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
And, in seventh or eighth grade, my brain went, “Okay. This is a thing now.”
I’ll admit, it DID take some getting used to. I thought it was weird, and gross, and why are my parents dating someone else? Even if she was a cool adult who had more than once shown me motherly compassion. I couldn’t really wrap my head around it because, “Why aren’t my parents happy with just each other?” In the back of my mind, I didn’t think that, “Oh, the three are dating.” I read their relationship as, “My parents don’t really love each other any more.”
And as another year went on, I had gotten used to the weird parental unit. And I realized, it wasn’t that mom and dad weren’t happy with each other, it’s just that they have so much to share. As cheesy as that sounds, that’s what it’s like around this house. It’s never a dull moment. Our days are filled with happiness and joy.
My parents, the biological pair, love each other very much, just like they love Catie. And that’s how it is. Fast forward eight years later, Catie has moved in with us, and we’re a happy little bunch.
Even though it took me a while to get my head around their funky relationship, it’s a completely normal part of my life now. There’s nothing wrong with it; they love each other, they’re all great parents, and they have such a strong bond. Even though Catie is technically not my mom (though on occasion I introduce her to friends as my step,) she is as much my parent as mom and dad are.
A specific memory I have with her and mom is when I was having a really bad day at school. My ex friends were teasing me, I fell down the school stairs, and I had failed a test (or something. It was middle school.) Catie had surprised us by coming over for a day off that she and my mom shared.
The second I came into the house I started crying, and both had enveloped me into a huge hug, and I just felt so loved. That was the day Catie taught me how to make her super special chocolate chip cookies. Another memory is the day I woke up and my dad told me my grandmother passed. No one else was up but dad, Catie, and I. Dad went to take a shower, and I went to the kitchen. When she found me, she held me so tight as I cried into her shoulder.
They are my parents, the three of them. And I couldn’t have asked for a better bunch.