“Plastic Wrap” Alternatives

At the risk of sounding like your sex-ed teacher from 8th grade, let’s chat about condoms for a second. A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that I didn’t like them. And I still don’t. BUT there’s a reason for that. They dry me up. Think Sahara.

It kinda takes the fun away… (I might be allergic to them.)

That doesn’t mean I don’t stay safe. I might be a gambler, but I don’t gamble with my health. More importantly, I don’t gamble with my family’s health.

So, what’s the alternative to keeping it wrapped?

For us, it’s a closed circle. We’ve all been tested for everything that we can get tested for, and we don’t have STI’s of any kind. Now the circle stays closed.

Woohoo!! Party time!!

That doesn’t mean the circle stays closed forever. You want in? Okay. Let’s chat about that.

Funny side note: I’ve talked to a couple of people about them joining us. Wink wink! But when I told them about The Rules of our circle, they just sort of drifted away. Not sure why. Okay, maybe The Rules are a little heavy. (Mental note to self, make a post about The Rules.) But hey, whatever. I’m too shy to do anything with them anyway, so it’s probably better this way.

Since I can’t do rubbers, anyone coming into our circle needs to do a complete workup at the docs. And no, I’m not just going to take your word that you’re “clean.” Honey, I don’t care about your blood pressure or BMI, or whatever else. What I care about is that blood work sheet that tells me you don’t have gonorrhea or syphilis.


Is that extreme? Probably. But for the record, the three of us have all done it. And we would all do it, too, for anyone coming in.

One last thing, pregnancy. Paul’s been “fixed.” That’s right, I said fixed. Because he was broken before. (Going around getting me knocked up. Ugh.) So, no worries there, either. You don’t want the snip snip? That’s okay. There is a plethora of options for birth control. Have a chat with your health professional about what’s right for you.

Just so you guys know, I’m laughing my ass off right now for sounding like a public service announcement.

If you’ve decided that an open relationship is your preferred cup of tea, getting blood work on all your partners might be a tad difficult. And slightly unreasonable. Just a little bit. So wrapping it up might be your only choice to stay safe.


But whatever you do, please stay safe.



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