Sex: Good. Sex Trolls: Bad.

Everyone loves sex. At least, that’s what I believe. If you don’t like it, then it wasn’t done right. I mean, how can you not enjoy the sensations of a climax? The tingle, the wave, the explosion of pleasure that shots through your body like nothing else.

Bina would correct me and say that asexuals do not. That boggles my mind. I don’t understand it. Then again, coffee drinkers boggle my mind, too. It’s dark and bitter. How could anyone enjoy that?! But hey, lots of people do. So… to each his own. 🙂

Catie Here, coffee is the second best thing in the world. Just saying…

I should mention that I understand the mental and physical blocks that can come with sex. I mean, in the right circumstances (and by this, I mean wrong), sex can be work, and reaching an orgasm can be as difficult as reaching the peak of Mount Everest. It can be done, but the work involved just isn’t worth it. I get it.

I also understand that compatible partners are elusive. And even after finding the right one(s), they’re not always available when you want to climb that mountain and feel the ecstasy when reaching that beautiful peak. So… you take matters into your own hands. 😉 I get it. Let the record show that I’ve also taken matters into my own hands. 😉

Who hasn’t?  I’ll admit to taking matters into my own hands fairly frequently just because I feel like it. Partners could be available but I know how to get myself from zero to climax in about 4 minutes. Even the quickest of quickies takes longer than that. 

You do whatever you want to do (so long as it harm none, including yourself). And if what you want is to get a “helping hand” to climb that mountain, I’m all for it. Also, it doesn’t matter how you get that “hand.” Books, magazines, phone, internet, the girl/guy down the street. You go at it and have fun.

But…

You knew there would be a but in here, didn’t you?

Hold a min. Before I go into that, some background. Something happened yesterday, and it got me thinking, and I remember something my brother once said when we were kids. He said, “God made sex, but the devil made it fun.” Back then, we were still attending mass on a regular basis, and I was still under the impression that church rules were to be followed without question, adults knew everything, and you should always do what you’re told. This included saving your virginity for the one you married, and masturbation was dirty. Filthy. Disgusting.

Sometimes I can’t believe how different our upbringings were…

(Side bar: If saving your virginity for the one you marry makes you happy, then rock it. That’s YOUR decision to make. You do whatever you want to do. You do you, boo.)

Eh, ok but trust me you are probably not making the right decision. You learn a lot about a person once you start having sex with them.

Anyway… Yesterday, someone I knew from high school reached out via FB messenger. When he first said hello a couple of weeks ago, I was excited to see his name. He was one of the few people who was actually, truly nice, one of those rare souls that was well liked by everyone in the school. He was cute without being conceited, funny, and just all around friendly.

Not that we were “friends” in school. I was the slightly overweight dork with the glasses who didn’t know how to talk to anyone. I had two friends. (You know those romantic comedy movies about the ugly duck who becomes beautiful and ends up with the cute guy? Yeah, those were made for people like me. I was the ugly duck who wanted to become beautiful.) Anyway, we’d pass the time waiting for the early bus by chatting about trivial stuff: the weather, music, weekend plans. It was easy chatter, and that was the extent of our connection.

But I never forgot him. So when he reached out a couple of weeks ago, I was happy. Now that I’m older, and slightly less awkward, I was loving the idea of having someone like him in my “friends” bucket. It was a quick conversation, though, something along the lines of: got older, married, kids, and moved out of the area. And that was that. I thought our chat had ended.

Until yesterday…

Though, I wish he hadn’t started again. This is one of those moments when ignorance is bliss. The guy I thought I knew was either an illusion, or had changed into something less than ideal.

Here’s how the conversation went:

Him: (thumbs up emoji followed by) sorry for the late thumbs up.

Me: no prob, just curious as to why you sent it.

Him: just seeing what you’re up to.. Didn’t want to get anyone upset, so I just sent a thumbs up. (Red Flag!! – Why are you worried about anyone being upset? Do you have a history of upsetting people with late night talks?)

Me: Not doing anything. And no one will get upset by you saying hello. (At least not in my corner of the world.)

He sent a whoo-hoo sticker, and I sent a laughing one.

Me: are you normally up this late?

Him: not normally.. you?

Me: no. I was working on something and just finished. took benedryl, so I’ll be out soon.

Him: laying in bed in basement, too hot upstairs

Me: oh no… that sucks

Him: Alone fun time.. lol (Red Flag!! We are not that close, buddy. I haven’t seen your face since graduation day in high school. And even back then, we were not that close!)

Me: (maybe I’m jumping to conclusions and he doesn’t mean what I think he means; after all, I do have quite a sick mind and it wouldn’t be the first time I misunderstood something innocent for something dirty) lmao

Him: he he

Me: stay safe from the spiders

Him: lol hopefully they don’t bug me during my alone time.. (Okay… Maybe I’m not mistaken.)

Me: (still giving him the benefit of the doubt) name*… are you referencing what I think you’re referencing?? (* name omitted to protect the guilty.)

Him: possibly.. what do you think I’m referencing??

Me: (this is a new experience for me; I know it happens to others, but for me, there’s usually a lot of back and forth, and testing the waters, before people do this) I… I’m speechless.

Him: you can say it!!

Me: (maybe if I act shy, he’ll back away from that kind of talk; if you recall from previous posts, I’m not shy about sex, but I don’t jump right in with people I don’t know well) pancakes. you’re making pancakes for midnight. I’m shocked. That’s a breakfast meal.

There’s a bit of back and forth regarding actual food before he spins it back to… non-food.

Him: need some syrup for my pancakes.. lol

There’s some conversation about taking his time and enjoying his pancakes, and I have to say that I encouraged him. At no point did I say, “WTF are you doing?! You need to stop.” Instead, I gave him gentle nudges to reconsider. Comments about him being so “forthcoming” and that we are “familiar strangers.” I mentioned that I was “happily married” and I brought up his wife a few times, wanting to see if that would turn him off. It didn’t. He just said that she liked to watch.

Here, I wondered if maybe they were open, like us, and he’s just a little fast. And there’s nothing wrong with being fast. And if she likes to watch, maybe she enjoys watching others. And if he’s this fast with familiar strangers, maybe they’re both fast.

Me: I don’t want to kill the rise but I’m happily married. (I should have told him ‘twice over’)

Him: your definitely not killing the rise.. do you mind our conversation? (this would have been the perfect time to tell him to back off. But I didn’t. I wanted to know just how far this conversation would go)

Me: not at all (def not what I should have said to discourage him, but I was tired, not thinking clearly, and I don’t mind sex talk) but I worry about wifey. I don’t want anyone angry with me.

Him: definitely don’t worry. I’ll be deleting this as soon as we’re done.

And this is where he lost me. A bucket of ice cold disappointment. Sigh. If you’re hiding this from your wife, what else are you hiding…?

Further proof that if you didn’t stay in touch after high school you shouldn’t reconnect. People grow up and change. In my experience rarely for the better. 

At this point, I told him my benedryl was kicking in, and wished him a good night. He tried to pull me back in, but no. Just no.

You can fuck anyone you want, from coast to coast, and I wouldn’t care. As long as it’s consensual and no one gets hurt.

Keep it real. Keep it sexy.

And if you’re going to be doing any kind of “cheating” make sure you clear it with your current partners first. It makes things easier in the long run, trust me.

Lena